This afternoon, I attended Alpha’s first performance with the UT Symphony Orchestra… and probably her last. A brief clip is here (I apologize for the poor audio quality — it was a last minute thought to hit “record” on my little MP3 player).

For the first time, she was actually seated at the front of the stage where I could see her. In the ORHS orchestra, the violas are buried behind the cellos and the conductor. She was beautiful. The music was astounding.
It was a big deal to try out and be selected for the orchestra, but it offers only one hour of credit in exchange for six hours of rehearsals each week — 4-6 p.m. every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. And the one puny hour doesn’t count toward any graduation requirements in the College of Engineering, not even “general education.” After six weeks, she’s realized that it’s not the best use of her time — no matter how much she loves it.

So, she made the difficult decision to drop the orchestra in order to gain six hours of pre-midnight study time each week. I know it was no easier for her than it is for me, but tears came to my eyes tonight realizing that I don’t know when I might next see her perform on stage. If ever.

I’d like to think that she’ll get in the swing of things and rejoin next year — she’s continuing with private instruction — but as a realist, I know that the engineering coursework doesn’t get any easier. My husband and father (electrical and mechanical, respectively) reminded me that it gets significantly tougher, at least through junior year.

I tell myself that she’s making a prudent choice, and that she isn’t dropping the instrument. But the symphony is so filled with passion, and it will be hard to envision it in the same way without her on the stage. It’s like a little piece of my heart is torn away… and so it is when the first child leaves the nest and begins making decisions for her own path, not her mother’s.