How Long?

Four years, nine months, and nine days have passed since I quit smoking.

But in times of stress (like this afternoon), it seems like I could pull into the convenience store, buy a pack, and light one up — just like the old days.  I don’t know why the poison filling my lungs would feel so good, but it would.

I would gladly stand on the deck, with my back pressed against the outside wall to avoid the rain, just to feel that calm wash over me.

But I won’t.  I know myself: a pack would lead to a carton, and that carton to a lifetime of slavery to cigarettes.  To standing outside when everyone else is inside.  To having to build in extra time every day for a habit that would eventually kill me.

I’ll settle for a Tom Collins and keep cleaning the house for company tomorrow.  I just wish that someone could tell me that someday, that feeling will go away entirely.

7 thoughts on “How Long?

  1. It will be 9 years for me Jan 28 and I think about it everytime I am under stress. When I walk in Food Lion I look at the case holding the cigarettes and have to talk myself out of buying them. But you don’t because you never want to fight that battle again, quiting, the hardest battle I have fought in my life, so far.

  2. I am surprised. It has been 47 years since I quit and at the time I was puffing 3 packs of Camels a day. Went through severals phases but after two years I had no desire to smoke or be around people who did.

    Smartest thing I ever did.

  3. 11 years RELAPSE, 1.5 RELAPSE, almost 3 years this time. I still get those almost irresistable urges, and when I do, I seek out a smoker. I inhale a couple of times and realize that I don’t want to SMELL like that again.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *